I had a rough week.
One of the things about this experience in this vessel is the culmination of life. How it occurs. How it forces you to move in one direction or another, regardless of the path you think you have set upon. I am strength. For myself, for others. I am perspective, logic, empathy and reason. And yet this week I seemed to have slipped into another space of time. As our trees collapsed from the hurricane and my hope began to fade as I watched our apparent leadership crumble in this country I love, I lost that spark of hope in me for a moment. I allowed myself to see the darkness that I have been so adamant to put into perspective everyday.
This journey is not one of all bubbles and light. I have reached a place of light because I recognize and deal with the darkness. I have a relationship with it. I understand its need to be there as a contrast. But this time I felt it. I felt it as deep as I felt the desperation that hit me as a teenager struggling to find a place in the world. I felt it as deep as when I mourned the lost ones who already left this plane. My meditation calmed be, but my channeling was quiet, my guides silent. I was left. With me in this vessel seemingly alone. Lost, not knowing how to return to that beacon of light.
And then I sang. I sang not for anyone else, but for myself. I sang not for expression or levity, but just to release. I sang for myself. And I remembered where I find beauty in this world. It was right there in the beautiful tones of my vocal chords. It was in the air around me as I soothed myself back into that place where smiles and connection are felt. I connected with love for the first time all week. All because I sang.
Right there inside me was all that I needed. The healing, the shift. It was in the music for myself.
Those of you who have heard me sing understand the power of my voice. Now that I left New York I rarely give the pleasure of those sounds to the world unless in meditation or singing to Travis in the car. But I still sing. That magic in me is still there. And it felt good to finally see what everyone else felt and heard when they experienced my voice.
Music heals, my voice heals and I believe if we all find that thing within us that creates beauty, magic and art we can heal each other and this world.
I believe that. I feel that. I know that. And now I am back to having hope.